dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
