I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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