I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Randomize
