no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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