Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
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