Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
