No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
My dad just said "fuck circus"
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
