Im at strip club and am horny
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
