and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
