Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
