I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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