If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
