my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
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Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
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I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize