we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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