I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Randomize
