If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.