Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
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I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
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well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.