Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
