3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
People Share What It’s Really Like to Date Long Distance
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Just pee around me
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
These Little Things Make People Overly Angry
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned