Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.