Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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