You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I wish i was in the wii world.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
