He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Sex in the backyard? Check.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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