My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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