some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
