In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
