My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Come share oat with me in your robe
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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