You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
it's not cheating when I paid for it
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
