I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
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