Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
