i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
