textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
