You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
