i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm at about main and main street
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize