you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
