Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
he shaved USA in his pubs
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
