Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
