My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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