May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
