my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
