I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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