i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
