I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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