I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
