i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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