we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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