If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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