i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
