Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
