I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
