discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
As shirtless as possible
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
