Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
