I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
