The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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