It's Friday. Sex?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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