Just cropdusted the office
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
