My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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