im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
