There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
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Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
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Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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