dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We have started to decorate penises.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
