um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
