It's Friday. Sex?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
