Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
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