I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
