i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
