just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
