Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
