Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
