I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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