I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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