I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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