i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
