Your dad touched me again.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
