Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Randomize
