the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
