If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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