the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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