I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
