hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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