I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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