Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
